A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.
一個小男孩向上帝禱告要一百元，經過一個禮拜沒結果。
Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD, USA. They decided to send it to President Obama.
他決定改用寫信向上帝要。美國郵局人員看信上收信人寫著：上帝，美國；就把信轉到白宮歐巴馬總統手上。
Obama was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $ 5.00 bill. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
歐巴馬總統指示秘書給小男孩寄去五元錢，心想，為一個小男孩來說已經夠多了。
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:
小男孩收到錢後，坐下來開始寫感謝函：
Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C. and those assholes took $95.00 in taxes.
親愛的上帝， 感謝您賞賜的錢，我發現因為某些原因讓您的信件經過華府轉過來，而且華府這些王八蛋竟然扣了我95元的稅。
報復
阿山在金門當兵時，慘遭兵變，女朋友將要和別人結婚了，希望阿山能將她的照片寄還給她。
阿山悲痛之際，向戰友們借了二、三十張女孩子的照片，連同女友的照片一起裝進紙盒裡，寄給移情別戀的女友。
他在信上如此寫著：「請挑出自己的照片，其餘的再寄還給我。」
哪根筋痛
某所女子高中，某天，某位女同學身體不適，想到請假到健康中心…但健康中心沒人，到教官室…偏偏全教官室只剩一個男教官。
女同學說：「教官，我今天不能上課，因為我經痛」
那個教官口氣很不好：「你們女生就是這樣，每次就這痛那痛的要請假，一點都不尊重老師！」
訓了一陣子後，教官問道：「說了那麼多，那你到底哪根筋在痛？」
凶兆
有一位女士去找算命先生算命，而算命的先生看一看她之後，就對她說：「小姐，你最近恐怕要小心點！因為你身上帶有『凶兆』哦！」
那小姐聽了之後，考慮了一下說：「那我把『胸罩』脫下來之後，會不會改善一點呢？」
代班
馮小姐生重病進醫院，公司的同事一起前往探病「我請假的這段期間，一定把代班的人給累壞了，真不好意思…」馮小姐略帶歉意地說著。
其中一位男同事回答道：「喔～還好啦，大夥分攤了你的工作，我看報紙、張小姐打電話聊天、李小姐則負責和總經理打情罵俏…」
證據
律師質問交通警察：「一個人跪在馬路中間就能證明他是喝醉酒了嗎？」
「當然不能，先生，」交通警察回答，「可是這位先生跪在馬路中間要把塗在馬路中央的那條白線卷起來。」
爸爸怎麼樣了？
女兒去住宿學校上學，臨走把一盆盆栽和熱帶魚交給我。
一周之後，她打來電話時,我告訴她盆栽死了。
又過了一段，我又遺憾地告訴她熱帶魚也死了。
她沈默了一會兒，問道：「那！爸爸怎麼樣了？」
我是接你
月臺火車站月臺上，妻子對丈夫很不滿的說：『你看人家多熱烈，丈夫把妻子抱的那麼緊，吻的那麼熱情。』
丈夫看看那邊，不以為然地說：『情況不一樣，那位 先生是在送他的妻子走，我是接你。』
做什麼
一個幼稚園老師問小女孩她母親是在做什麼的。
小女孩回答得很神氣：「媽媽是做生意的」
「那妳爸爸是做什麼的呢？」，老師又問。
女孩想了想，說：「媽媽叫他做什麼，他就做什麼。」
電影分級
普通級：好男人得到女主角！
輔導級：壞男人得到女主角！
限制級：人人都可以得到女主角！
淡大校園牆上突然出現一首聳動的打油詩
天涯何處無芳草
何必執意蛋江找
蛋江女生醜又老
而且奶小又無腦
該院校的查某看了氣不過，在旁邊也給它加了幾句…
天涯何處無芳草
何必執意蛋江找
蛋江男生矮又屌
而且鳥小又無睪
經過第三人士的觀賞，得出了一個客觀結論，也在旁加了幾句…
芳草何必天涯找
蛋江窩裡自個好
醜老正好配矮屌
奶小正好配小鳥
無腦正好配無睪
蛋江男女無煩惱
經過不死小強的觀賞,做出了圓滿大結局．希望大家別再吵了…
天涯芳草起波濤
淡江男女生口角
天生我材必有用
小強一一道明瞭
醜女做事真勤勞
家有一老如一寶
奶小別怕跟人跑
無腦則免心煩躁
矮男天生志氣高
有才耍屌也剛好
鳥小賴以技高超
無睪無精免煩惱
A Mother's Day Joke For Mature Mother & Father
How was I born?
Daddy, how was I Born?
A little boy Goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'
The father Answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I Set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We Sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other.
There your mother Agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload,
We discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall,
and since it was too Late to hit the delete button,
nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that Said:
You've got Male!
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE....WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.
當您老到行動遲緩時，要如何報警！
George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
住在密西西比州的喬治菲力浦是個年長的人，晚上都很早上床，有天晚上他的老婆說從臥室的窗外，看到花園棚架的燈光亮起，於是喬治起來關上室內的燈光，看到好像有人在棚架下偷東西。
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
當他打電話報警時，對方問他：有人在你房內嗎？
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
他說：「沒有」，但有人進人我花園棚架內偷東西。
Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."
警方值班人員說：「所有巡邏人員都很忙，當警員經過時，會順道去看一下。」
George said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
喬治說：「好！」他掛上電話後數了30下。
Then he phoned the police again.
然後再打電話給警方。
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed.
「喂！我是幾秒前打電話報案說有小偷在我家棚架下偷東西的人。
Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.
好了，你們不用擔心了，因為剛才我已開槍射殺了他們。」然後掛上電話。
In five minutes, 不到5鐘，
six Police Cars,來了6輛警車，
a SWAT Team, 一個突擊隊
a Police Dog, 一隻警犬
Fire Truck,消防車
a Paramedic, and an鑑識人員和
Ambulance showed up at the residence, 一輛救護車在旁待命，
and caught the burglars red-handed.並當場逮了竊賊。
One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
一名警官對喬治說：我想你說你射殺了歹徒！
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
喬治說：我想你說沒有人有空過來！
I LOVE IT! Don't mess with old people
我喜歡它！別忽視老人
