兩隻烏龜
兩隻烏龜在田裡頭一動也不動...
名嘴問老農夫...「這兩隻烏龜在幹麻？」
老農夫說...「它們在比耐力...誰先動...誰就輸了...」
名嘴指著龜殼上有甲骨文的烏龜說...「根據我多年研究...這只龜已經死了五千多年了...」
另一隻烏龜馬上伸出頭說...「你馬的！死了也不說一聲...害老子在這裡乾等了這麼久...」
這烏龜剛說完話...帶甲骨文的烏龜說話了...「你輸了吧...你娘勒...名嘴的話你也信???」
（真人真事）不要惹火老人。
(True Story) Don't mess with old people.
George Phillips, an elderly man, from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
喬治·菲力浦斯是一個住在寨湖--密西根州的老人，正要就寢的時候，他太太告訴他，她從臥室的窗戶看過去，當他離開花園的小屋時忘了關燈。喬治開了後門要去關燈，卻看見幾個人正在小屋裡偷東西。
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
他打電話給員警，員警問道："有人進到你屋子裡面了嗎？"
He said "No, but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me."
他說："沒有，但那些人正闖入我花園的小屋裡偷東西。"
Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available"
然後這名員警調度員說："目前所有巡邏人員都很忙，你應該鎖好你的門，一旦有警員可以調度時就會過去。"
George said, "Okay."
喬治說，"好吧。"
He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.
他掛了電話，然後數到30。接著，再打電話給員警。
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them right now." and he hung up.
"你好，我就是剛才打電話過去，說有人闖進我小屋偷東西的那個人。現在，你不用擔心了，因為我已經開槍把他們給幹掉了，幾隻狗正在吃著他們呢。"講完他就把電話給掛了。
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
不到五分鐘，6輛警車、特警隊、一架直升機、兩輛消防車、一個醫務人員、和一輛救護車出現在菲力浦斯的住所，並將竊賊人贓俱獲。
One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
一名員警對喬治說："我以為你真的開槍射殺了他們！"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
喬治說，"我以為你們真的沒有一個人調度得過來！"
你知道「樹」是怎麼繁殖出來的嗎？
我們知道！...................哈！哈！哈！
What are you laughing for？你笑什麼？
